My name is Stephene White, I am 27 year old American Indian-Caucasian female. I have two young children from a previous inter-racial relationship of 9 years. I met him when I was 15 and never really put any thought into the fact that he was an “African American” male. I realized that he was of color, obviously, but I don’t feel it played a major role in our relationship.
A year into our relationship I became pregnant: my parents were concerned, not only because I was pregnant at 16, but I learned later also because they were going to have bi-racial children. They did not know how they would feel about it. Once they were born, they loved them regardless, which I realize is a blessing.
When I was in the relationship with my boyfriend, I didn’t feel as if I was challenged all the time by prejudice. People would stare when we would be out together, but I didn’t pay much attention. There may have been more incidents but either I was oblivious or didn’t care about what people thought about my relationship.
I know my children will not experience the same up brining as I did. I realize that my daughter, now 10, will go through many things, especially being a woman of color. I already see the difference in beauty ideals. How she compares herself, for example she says she wants straight hair instead of her curls.
My son will also have a different experience. I hope that his father talks to him about his own experiences and that they keep that dialogue open. I try to make sure that my children have confidence in who they are and confidence in who they would like to be one day. I know that there will be challenges along the way.
April 13, 2009
April 12, 2009
Talking about interracial dating with an SU student
A little delving into past experiences with interracial dating... watch and listen you may learn something.
April 6, 2009
Resources: Interracial Relationships in the Media
Famous celebrity couples include:
- Heidi Klum & Seal
- David Bowie & Iman
- Tiger Woods & Elin Nordegren
- Taye Diggs & Idina Menzel
- Hallie Berry & Gabriel Aubry
- Robert Deniro & Grace Hightower
- Robert Ebert & Chaz Hammelsmith
- Kim Kardashian & Reggie Bush
- Eva Longoria & Tony Parker
- Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos
- Antonio Banderas & Melanie Griffith
Movies that focus on interracial relationships:
- Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
- Save the Last Dance
- Something New
- Guess Who?
- The Watermelon Woman
Movies that feature interracial couples:
How did your family and peers react to your inter-racial relationship?
Never in my life have I felt uncomfortable thinking of an inter-racial relationship until I came to Syracuse University. Back home, in Puerto Rico, the elderly people in my extended family told me that I needed to be strong when I came to America because I was going to face racist people that will try to put me down. When I heard that I just thought they were crazy old people. I never truly believed that because I thought that society had come very far away from that era of black slaves. Unfortunately I wasn’t complexly right.
Puerto Rico is a very diverse country. There, people never ask each other where are they from. There, if you where born in Puerto Rico you are consider Puerto Rican, regardless of your heritage. Race doesn’t really make a difference when you decide whom you are going to date, although people do pay a little bit of attention to social class. A couple where one partner is white and the other one is black is seen as totally normal. People just don't care about that kind of things.
First semester I started dating a white guy. Everything was great at the beginning and all my friends were very supportive of the relationship. I won’t lie, at parties I felt that some people would give me weird stares, but I never paid attention to it, I didn’t even consider the idea that it was because I was dating a white guy. One day I found out that a couple of girls in his dorm were talking bad about me behind my back. Girls that I had never spoke to or even met. I thought that the only reason that they where saying mean things about me was because I was Puerto Rican. However, I didn’t give it a lot of thought because things with the guy were great and I didn’t wanted to over think this and create unnecessary drama. However I was worried that those comments would influence the way he saw me, and felt about me.
As time passed by are relationship faded away and we decided to stay friends. Weeks later one of my friends told me that she had dinner with one of the girls from his dorm and a bunch of other girls. They all had just met each other, and therefore the conversational topics where very vague and general. However, that girl thought that it was appropriate to say: “OMG, I have a friend that was hooking up with this latina girl and it was so disgusting”. I had never thought that I would be considered disgusting because of my ethnicity. At that moment I remembered what my extended family had told me. This girl judged me based on my race, she didn’t take the time to get to know me, she didn’t consider any of my positive qualities. She didn’t realize that if her friend thought I was worth dating, than maybe I was good girl, worthy of some respect. The worst thing is that she felt comfortable saying such a horrible thing in front of girls she just meet. As if it was something very common and average. As if they would all agree with her.
Racisms has definitely come a long way, but people can hurt others so much more with words than with actions. People now, do not only judge you on your skin color, but also on your religious background and sexual orientation. We live in a society were is acceptable to do such things, and even if we think they are wrong, most people don’t have the guts to stand up against these ignorant minds.
Puerto Rico is a very diverse country. There, people never ask each other where are they from. There, if you where born in Puerto Rico you are consider Puerto Rican, regardless of your heritage. Race doesn’t really make a difference when you decide whom you are going to date, although people do pay a little bit of attention to social class. A couple where one partner is white and the other one is black is seen as totally normal. People just don't care about that kind of things.
First semester I started dating a white guy. Everything was great at the beginning and all my friends were very supportive of the relationship. I won’t lie, at parties I felt that some people would give me weird stares, but I never paid attention to it, I didn’t even consider the idea that it was because I was dating a white guy. One day I found out that a couple of girls in his dorm were talking bad about me behind my back. Girls that I had never spoke to or even met. I thought that the only reason that they where saying mean things about me was because I was Puerto Rican. However, I didn’t give it a lot of thought because things with the guy were great and I didn’t wanted to over think this and create unnecessary drama. However I was worried that those comments would influence the way he saw me, and felt about me.
As time passed by are relationship faded away and we decided to stay friends. Weeks later one of my friends told me that she had dinner with one of the girls from his dorm and a bunch of other girls. They all had just met each other, and therefore the conversational topics where very vague and general. However, that girl thought that it was appropriate to say: “OMG, I have a friend that was hooking up with this latina girl and it was so disgusting”. I had never thought that I would be considered disgusting because of my ethnicity. At that moment I remembered what my extended family had told me. This girl judged me based on my race, she didn’t take the time to get to know me, she didn’t consider any of my positive qualities. She didn’t realize that if her friend thought I was worth dating, than maybe I was good girl, worthy of some respect. The worst thing is that she felt comfortable saying such a horrible thing in front of girls she just meet. As if it was something very common and average. As if they would all agree with her.
Racisms has definitely come a long way, but people can hurt others so much more with words than with actions. People now, do not only judge you on your skin color, but also on your religious background and sexual orientation. We live in a society were is acceptable to do such things, and even if we think they are wrong, most people don’t have the guts to stand up against these ignorant minds.
How did your family and peers react to your inter-racial relationship?
I myself am in an inter-racial relationship. I am a Asian American with a white girlfriend. I've been in this relationship for over four years and have had various reactions towards my white girlfriend. My parents were really open about the situation and did not care at all, they only wanted me to be happy. One of the factors that contributed to them being open was the fact that I grew up and went to school where the dominant ethnicity was white. My parents aren't the typical strict and un-conformed Asian parents that most people think of. They have conformed and developed a bicultural identity.
On other occasions though I have felt awkward bringing my girlfriend out to dinner with my extended family because we usually go to Asian restaurants. The awkwardness does not come from her just coming out with us, its derived from the potential of her not liking the food that I eat. I have felt uncomfortable about the situation because I do not want her to not like me based on the food that i eat. I also do not want my parents to look down upon her because she will not eat the food. It's hard to bring my girlfriend out with my family when we eat at places that she would not be able to eat at. From this it has been hard for my family to get really close to my girlfriend.
On other occasions though I have felt awkward bringing my girlfriend out to dinner with my extended family because we usually go to Asian restaurants. The awkwardness does not come from her just coming out with us, its derived from the potential of her not liking the food that I eat. I have felt uncomfortable about the situation because I do not want her to not like me based on the food that i eat. I also do not want my parents to look down upon her because she will not eat the food. It's hard to bring my girlfriend out with my family when we eat at places that she would not be able to eat at. From this it has been hard for my family to get really close to my girlfriend.
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